Corona Virus helped me to make my family understand my sexuality

Saradha Natarajan

With the lockdown coming to an end all over the world, with no doubt, we all can state that all of us have had varied experiences during this lockdown. Some of us have enjoyed staying home, some of us have been on the frontline fighting the pandemic, a few have been at the verge of losing our income. But all of us have both physically and mentally fought the maniac episode of our lives for around half a year now.
Here is the story of a girl who came out as a queer when she was a teen and was disowned by her family. Let’s hear her story of how she dealt with this pandemic.
“I came out to my family about my sexuality when I was 15-years-old. They immediately disagreed and said that they are disowning me. But I was not living away from them. Though they disowned me, I was not entirely separated from them. My brother tried to act as bridge between me and my parents. Though he was not supportive of my decision over my sexuality, he did not stop loving me. It was hard for me to cope with my family, my friends acted as a backbone to keep me strong. It was hard to not talk to my parents while living under the same roof. Though they were willing to pay for my education, shelter and food, they were not ready to accept me as who I am. I had the independence and self-reliance that not many people would have at my age. It made me a strong person to achieve what I want. When I turned 18, I moved out of my house and shifted to Chennai. I was living in a hostel that I could afford. I tried to build a low standard of living for myself with what I earned because most of my earnings were spent on education.
I pursued Psychology in Madras University. It helped me get over the traumas I faced when I was younger. I was in my second year when this pandemic struck India. At first, I did not know that corona virus would have a major role to play in my life. My institute was close, my place of work was closed. I had no-way to make income. Luckily, I had a shelter and food sorted for the next 3 months as I had paid the hostel fee. But, after a month, one of the girls in the hostel was affected by Covid-19 and we were all asked to leave the hostel immediately. It was at that time when buses were running. So, I immediately packed my bags and left home. I called and informed my brother that I did not have anywhere else to go now because I do not have a job. I heard my mother say, “Ask her to come home. It is not safe for her there to live alone.”
I immediately left Chennai and was happy to go home to my parents. I thought that it was time for me to develop a deeper relation with my mother. When I reached home, she had my room ready so that I could self-quarantine. I thought that she wouldn’t want to talk about my sexuality but everything else. Everyday over the call, she would talk to me about my health and would ask if I was having any symptoms. But to my surprise, one day she asked me if I still feel the same about my sexuality? Before I could tell her anything, she said, “I know it is normal to feel the way you feel. I took time to understand. Though I will not be completely alright with your decision, I am fine with whatever you want to do. So, if you have a relationship with some girl, if you really like her go ahead and be with her, we will not stop you.” Even before she could complete the sentence, I told her that I would like to talk to her and my father about my sexuality again. Once my quarantine days were over, I came out to my family that I was I was not only a Lesbian but also a trans boy. I told them that I feel trapped inside a woman’s body. They did not understand a single word of what I said. I abruptly told them that they cannot identify me as a girl because I want to be a boy. My mother just nodded her head and told me that, “I do not understand a word of what you said, but I still love you as my daughter.” Those were her words and that made me think that this lockdown has actually helped me.
So, when this lockdown is over, I will not worry about my job or my livelihood in Chennai because I know that I had a home back here with my parents and wouldn’t have to worry because they will always be there for me.”


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