How has your Lesbian experience been like?

Saradha Natarajan


We have a few who shared their love story.

Disclaimer: Names changed for security reasons.
I am an Indian and I obviously cannot talk to my parents about this. My first marriage failed but not for the reason that I was a lesbian. My first gay experience was with my friend who is also married. She promised me that she did not have any physical relation with her husband. But later, I found that she was cheating on me not only with her husband but also another girl. I got married to another man who does not know that I am a lesbian. But we haven’t had physical relationship because he has health issues and would not accept it. Both of us are from different generations; telling him about me would not help me anyway, so I just perform my duties. I have a relationship with another girl. No one knows that I am a lesbian.
I was 38-years-old when I thought I liked women more than men. I met this woman who was just an acquaintance. But few weeks later I was falling in love with her and told her that I might be gay. I meet her once in a while. It was too late when I recognized that I was a lesbian. But I feel like I am a teenage girl all over again going over puberty. That’s my excitement and I do not want to stop this no matter what. My family does not know but I would keep it that way.
I was not a straight out lesbian, may be a Bi. But I had no idea how to make a move on girls. On other side, she was all out as a woman person. We used to hangout for lunch all day at work. One day we went out but not like a date as she did not know I was interested in her. But she offered me to stay over at her apartment as we were drunk. I thought she was interested in me. The next morning, she treated me as I was unwanted in her place. I packed up and left immediately. She avoided me at work the next day. We separated ways and I did not talk her after that.
I was 18-years-old when it first happened. We both went to the same university. There was immediate spark between us the day we first met, but both of us never knew that we were into each other. One night when we were sitting on a sofa, she kissed me. I felt confused over what we had done and started crying but she took it up well and hugged me and said that everything was fine. She passed out that year from the university but we still stay in touch just as friends and nothing more as it was just that one night.
I am from India and I have not come out to my parents yet. I have told a few peers of mine whom I could trust. It all started when I was in the college hostel. My roommate was my best friend as we had similar interests. We used to talk about Article 377 and how the LGBTQ community suffers. We took part in pride parades. Both of us came out to each other after a while and are living together now. I hope to tell my parents soon.
I haven’t exactly had a real lesbian experience. In fact, I would say I had the same sex experience because I am bisexual, not lesbian. The most I have done is kiss girls, and none of them were particularly emotional. My first real emotional connection with a girl happened recently, and I had been questioning my sexuality because I’ve never really gone after girls. I thought I was pretending to like them but none of it has been emotional.


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