“How Has Your Lesbian Experience Been?” – The Stories That Answer Everything

The Question Everyone Asks, The Answers Nobody Expects 

“How has your lesbian experience been?”  

It’s the question that follows coming out, whispered in safe spaces, asked with genuine curiosity or invasive nosiness. But when six Indian women answer honestly, their stories shatter every assumption about what lesbian life in India actually looks like. 

Spoiler alert: It’s not what Bollywood would script, and it’s definitely not what your conservative uncle thinks it is. 

The Married Life No One Talks About 

Latha: “I Just Perform My Duties” 

Latha’s experience is the elephant in every Indian drawing room the married lesbian living a double life because society offers no other option. 

“My first gay experience was with my friend who is also married. She promised me that she did not have any physical relation with her husband. But later, I found that she was cheating on me not only with her husband but also another girl.” 

Let’s unpack this complexity: Two married women, both lesbians, trying to find authenticity within heterosexual marriages. The betrayal isn’t just personal it’s systemic. When love is forced underground, trust becomes complicated. 

The current reality: 

• Second marriage where husband doesn’t know her sexuality 

• No physical relationship (due to his health issues) 

• Another secret relationship with a woman 

• Complete invisibility “No one knows that I am a lesbian” 

This isn’t a love story it’s a survival manual for living authentically within impossible circumstances. 

The Weight of “Performing Duties” 

That phrase “I just perform my duties” should haunt everyone who thinks arranged marriage solves the “problem” of queer women. Latha isn’t living; she’s existing in fragments, giving pieces of herself to different people while keeping her truth completely hidden. 

The system that created this where women’s desires don’t matter, where family honour trumps individual happiness that’s what needs fixing, not Latha. 

Late Blooming Revolution 

Lily: “I Feel Like a Teenage Girl All Over Again” 

Lily’s story at 38 demolishes the myth of sexual timelines. Society acts like self-discovery has an expiration date, but Lily’s joy proves otherwise. 

“I was 38yearsold when I thought I liked women more than men… I feel like I am a teenage girl all over again going over puberty. That’s my excitement and I do not want to stop this no matter what.” 

This enthusiasm is revolutionary. In a culture that writes off women’s sexuality after marriage age, Lily’s excitement about new love is an act of rebellion. 

The beautiful part: She’s choosing secrecy strategically, not from shame but from wisdom. “My family does not know but I would keep it that way” this isn’t closeting from fear; it’s protecting joy from judgment. 

When “Too Late” Becomes “Perfect Timing” 

Lily thinks it was “too late” when she recognized she was lesbian, but maybe it was exactly the right time when she was emotionally mature enough to handle the complexity and financially independent enough to make choices. 

Late blooming isn’t delayed development it’s authentic timing. 

Workplace Hearts and Broken Signals 

Sahana: “She Treated Me as Unwanted” 

Sahana’s workplace experience captures the unique minefield of professional queer attraction the lunch dates that feel like dates, the mixed signals, and the morning after rejection that burns differently when your career is involved.

“One day we went out but not like a date as she did not know I was interested in her. But she offered me to stay over at her apartment as we were drunk. I thought she was interested in me. The next morning, she treated me as I was unwanted in her place.” 

The workplace element makes this exponentially more complicated. Professional relationships, career implications, and daily reminders of romantic rejection all colliding in one space. 

The aftermath: Office avoidance, professional distance, and the unique pain of heartbreak mixed with job stress. 

The Signal Reading Struggle 

Sahana’s confusion about “making a move on girls” represents something many bisexual and questioning women experience navigating attraction without cultural scripts or clear social cues. 

When society only teaches you heterosexual dating rules, queer attraction feels like learning a new language without a dictionary. 

University Love and Perfect Moments 

Divya: “She Said Everything Was Fine” 

Divya’s story captures the beauty of supportive first experiences the immediate spark, the spontaneous kiss, and most importantly, the emotional safety that followed. 

“I felt confused over what we had done and started crying but she took it up well and hugged me and said that everything was fine.” 

That response “everything was fine” is what every questioning person needs to hear. Divya’s partner provided the emotional safety that made a potentially traumatic experience into a beautiful memory. 

The university setting matters too these institutions often provide the first safe space for queer exploration, away from family oversight and community judgment. 

When Love Becomes Friendship 

The fact that Divya and her university love remain friends shows that not all queer connections need to be romantic to be meaningful. Sometimes the most important thing isn’t the romantic outcome it’s the validation that your feelings were real. 

Building Love Through Activism 

Janani: “We Took Part in Pride Parades” 

Janani’s story represents what many queer women dream of mutual discovery, shared values, and building a life together while planning to tell parents. 

“We used to talk about Article 377 and how the LGBTQ community suffers. We took part in pride parades. Both of us came out to each other after a while and are living together now.” 

The progression from activism to personal realization shows how supporting the community often precedes joining the community. Taking part in pride parades before realizing their own identities is powerful. 

What made this work: 

• Safe space (college hostel) 

• Shared values (LGBTQ+ activism) 

• Mutual coming out (no one-sided vulnerability) 

• Future planning together (“I hope to tell my parents soon”) 

This is love with room to grow instead of love hiding in shadows. 

The Bisexual Questioning Journey 

Radha: “I Thought I Was Pretending” 

Radha’s experience highlights the difference between physical experimentation and emotional connection in bisexual identity. Kissing girls without emotional investment felt inauthentic until real connection changed everything. 

“My first real emotional connection with a girl happened recently, and I had been questioning my sexuality because I’ve never really gone after girls. I thought I was pretending to like them but none of it has been emotional.” 

This distinction matters. Physical attraction without emotional connection can feel performative, while emotional connection validates identity in ways physical experiences alone can’t. 

The “Not Queer Enough” Struggle 

Radha’s worry about “pretending to like girls” reflects the internalized doubt many bisexual women face the bisexual erasure that suggests you’re “not queer enough” or “just confused”. 

The reality: Emotional connection often clarifies what physical experimentation couldn’t. Both experiences are valid parts of sexual discovery. 

The Patterns That Reveal Everything 

What These Stories Actually Show 

Common threads: 

• LateNite discovery or acknowledgment 

• Safe spaces (college, workplace) for exploration 

• Family secrecy as survival strategy 

• Complex relationships within heteronormative structures 

• Community connection through activism or friendship 

The successful relationships had: 

• Mutual discovery and support 

• Shared values beyond just attraction 

• Safe physical spaces away from family oversight 

• Future planning together 

The Support Systems That Work 

Janani’s relationship thrived because it had community connection, shared activism, and mutual coming out. Divya’s experience was positive because her partner provided emotional safety. Lily’s joy continues because she’s protecting it strategically. 

The common factor: Emotional safety and community connection matter more than perfect circumstances. 

What “Lesbian Experience” Actually Means 

It’s Not One Story 

These six experiences show that “lesbian experience in India” isn’t one narrative. It’s: 

• Married women finding love in secret 

• 38yearolds discovering teenage butterflies 

• Workplace attractions that complicate careers 

• University loves that provide validation 

• Activist partnerships that build futures 

• Bisexual journeys that question everything 

It’s About More Than Romance 

“Lesbian experience” includes: 

• Navigating family expectations 

• Building chosen family 

• Finding community 

• Discovering identity at any age 

• Creating safety in unsafe systems 

• Loving authentically despite social pressure 

The Answer to the Question 

“How has your lesbian experience been?” 

The real answer: It’s been complicated, beautiful, hidden, joyful, heartbreaking, and authentic often all at once. It’s been about finding love in impossible circumstances, discovering identity on your own timeline, and building community when society pretends you don’t exist. 

Most importantly: It’s been real, valid, and worth every struggle for the authentic love it brings. 

These women’s experiences remind us that love doesn’t follow society’s script it follows the heart’s timeline. And every authentic moment lived is a victory against a system designed to erase our stories. 

The question isn’t “How has your lesbian experience been?” it’s “How can society create space for these experiences to flourish openly?” 

Until then, these stories matter. They validate. They connect. They remind us of we’re not alone. 

These stories are part of a larger conversation about LGBTQ+ experiences in India. Share your story, find your community, and remember your experience matters.